"It's a mystery!"

Then there's Thomas...

The night before I left Annapolis, we were having dinner at Grandmom's, and Thomas asked me to take him to the bathroom to pee. So I take him in, and he lifts the toilet lid and continues holding it while he starts to pee. He dropped it, and he goes
"Oops! It almost fell on my peanut!"
"Oh Thomas, that's your penIS. A peanut it a food, like peanut butter?" and he goes
"No, it's a peanut. Mommy said it's my peanut."
"Hmmm..." I say, not feeling like arguing with a 3 year old.
He shrugs and says, "It's a mystery!"

"Seriously?!?"

So we'll start it off with the oldest...

I took Alleen with me to Graul's in Annapolis to get a birthday cake for Sean and Honey. We took Grandmom's car.

On the way out of the store, I ask Alleen to carry the keys so I can more easily carry the cake, so she takes them, and after looking at them for a sec, asks
"Where's the unlock button?"
I laugh and say  "Grandmom doesn't have a remote."
"So...how do you unlock the doors??"
"You put the key in the door and turn it......?"
she looks at me like she can't possibly have heard me right, and asks, dripping with disdain,
"Seriously?!?"

We get out to the car, and she thrusts the keys back at me and says "Here, you do it!" I said "No way, you are totally doing it now!" so she sighs and says "Cars in Maryland are NOT what I thought they'd be..."